This is going to be a bit of an emo post but what they hey! Sometimes a girl has to write down her feelings for public dissection.
I'm having a quarter life crisis. I'm all "what should I do with my life" "what is the meaning of it all" etc etc.
Some people will just think "shut up Bryony, you friggin' live in Sydney with a great husband and a house etc etc". And I would agree. I am extremely blessed to have Paul in my life. He truly is my rock.
This isn't about that.
I am analysing my life/career decisions and I go around in circles. I didn't finish college and went travelling. Was that a mistake? At the moment i'm thinking yes but I have no more idea now than then about what I wanted to do with my life, career wise anyway. After travelling I knew I wanted to live somewhere other than the UK.
If i hadn't traveled to Australia I wouldn't have walked into the aussie themed bar The Walkabout Bar the night Paul and I met.
I'm a true believer in "everything happens for a reason". I believe God has a plan. That doesn't mean I see the world through rose coloured lenses I just figure there is rhyme and reason to things and we may not see it for years and then one day I think "Wow, so thats why that happened."
Back then, before I went travelling I was in a bad place mentally, if i had been in a good place would I have gone travelling and had all the amazing experiences I had? IF i had gone to college and then Uni would I have met Paul? Probably not, so in that sense I am glad.
In some ways I think things happened for a reason back then to bring me to where I am now but now I am asking "God, what should I do now?".
I LOVE dogs and animals so part of me thinks I should go to TAFE and work with animals. Then I think "what about the money", "what will happen when I want to start having kids" etc. "I'm no good at anything" etc etc. I'm sure you all know how thought processes work sometimes.
I also wonder Is this just something that I get massively passionate about and then something else comes along. I'm scared of failure. Who isn't?
Another part of me thinks, just get a job closer to home. Its just the travel thats getting you down. And thats probably right but I end up being scared of making the decision on which path should I take?
Which way do I go?
bry(: first, i miss talking to you.
ReplyDeletesecond, oly cow, i know how you feel... but i will say that if you let fear control you, no matter which way you go, you will not be happy. as hard as it is, and i KNOW how hard it is, you just have to be patient and see where God leads you... you most likely wont see far in the future, but just the step you take, one at a time, but if you just trust Him, he wont let you go... you may fall, or fail, but He is right there to pick you up. One thing i have learned as of late, or am still learning, is too, in every decision, no matter how big or small, pray about it, ask Gods input, ask what He wants you too do... then, when he speaks, listen and, yes as scary again as it is, follow(: i have no doubt God has BIG plans for you, no matter how small or insignificant you feel they are, and that you WILL be happy... you are His child, He wouldn't have it any other way... the secret is to find happiness in Him and not the things going on around you. Lean on Him and you will never have a doubt as you where to step next.
ps- it wont let me change it, but i now write on a different, non-google, space... so i'll just put it here if you;re interested. i luv ya darlin, hang on, you got this :)
http://specialkhockey.wordpress.com/
Thanks mate!! :) YOU ARE AWESOME!! (I miss talking to you too)
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